The Out of Office Message We All Want To Send
If you try this, let us know how it goes?
'Valentine's Day is About Greeting Cards,' Says Woman Who Won't Be Getting One
MILWAUKEE, WI – Valerie Varth (25) thinks Valentine’s Day is stupid, and has held that opinion ever since she stopped seeing her cheating, idiot boyfriend in February of 2016. “I… Read more 'Valentine's Day is About Greeting Cards,' Says Woman Who Won't Be Getting One →
Sleeping Man Can't Tell If He Hit Snooze Once or 5,557 Times
DENVER, CO – 6:00 a.m. Monday morning, an alarm goes off in Vinny Sandradini’s bedroom. Half-asleep, the 29 year old throws his open palm down on his nightstand, feeling for the small noise-rectangle from which the horn is honking.
Father of Gay Son Just Hopes He Isn't A Bottom
CEDAR RAPIDS, IA – Jeremy (19) just came out to his father, Chuck (49) while they were driving back from a car show. He hadn’t meant to do it, but the conservation of dating came up, and Jeremy couldn’t hold it in any longer.
Cancelled Home Delivery Service Reminds You That They Know Where You Sleep
Welcome! Thank you for your recent subscription to HeatMeUp dinner meal-kits. We appreciate your business, and hope to make meal time easier for your family’s busy lifestyle. We would also… Read more Cancelled Home Delivery Service Reminds You That They Know Where You Sleep →
Actor Just “Pretending” To Be a Creep
OAKLAND, CA – Kevin Handson, 57, was warned by his director to stop making his co-stars uncomfortable during rehearsals for Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, following increasingly disturbing complaints of sexual harassment.… Read more Actor Just “Pretending” To Be a Creep →
Office Air Conditioning Proof It’s Still A Man’s World in The Workplace
So you think the patriarchy is keeping you down by a wage gap of $0.79 for every dollar a man makes? Have you considered another number?
Movie Review: Disney’s Toy Story 4 Captures Mankind’s Love of Trash
Disney’s latest sequel has taken the fans on another emotional roller coaster, exploring the human condition, and mankind’s love of trash…(read more)
Dog Who Ate Homework Feels Guilty, Also Smarter
The family dog, Scooter, is struggling with guilt after eating Matt’s chemistry homework…
Art Major Uses Degree to Make Artisanal Salad at Wendy’s
Rupert Beansprout (32) has earned himself an Employee of the Month recognition from the local Wendy’s after the regional manager noticed the exceptional craftsmanship of his Harvest Chicken Salad.
Parents Sue Pet Store: Rabbit Still Alive Day After Easter
Tiffany and Zach Gremkock are suing Pet Palace after the bunny that they bought as an Easter present for their four year old daughter, Sadie, was still alive on Monday morning.
Girl Waiting to Enter Train: ‘Can You Guys Scoot In?’
CHICAGO, IL – Daisy just wants to get on the train, like everybody else. She got out of bed late, like everybody else, and like everybody else, she has to… Read more Girl Waiting to Enter Train: ‘Can You Guys Scoot In?’ →
IT Department Opens Internet Explorer, Loses All Trust From Accounting Team
Rumor has it that when Andrea from development was having issues with her Outlook disconnecting last month, Owen opened up Internet Explorer to find the fix.
Jussie Smollett Makes Final TV Appearance
CHICAGO, IL – The State has dropped all charges against Jussie Smollett after months of media coverage alleging that the actor staged a hate crime against himself in order to… Read more Jussie Smollett Makes Final TV Appearance →
Boss Picks Nose During Performance Review In Strange, Effective Power Move
NEW YORK, NY – While listing the positive aspects of Kelly’s annual performance, Pete Fiorne, CEO of Hasbrah, kept his finger firmly planted in his right nostril.
