CHICAGO, IL – When local homeless man, Tom [just Tom], stopped inside the North/Clybourne Apple store to see what he could steal, he discovered what many people around the world saw last month: the new iPhone XS, and its price tag.
Stare deeply into the endless woven thread. Allow yourself to sink into the soft, swirling fabric. Let the infinite scarf absorb your worries, as you wrap your head around the things you cannot change and mistakes you cannot fix.
PRINCETON, NJ – A new study from Princeton University finds that out of 100 men caught staring at a woman’s cleavage and told, “my eyes are up here,” 99.6 percent of them already knew that.
To their complete outrage, hundreds of young men have found that their 8 inch long penises, when measured with the new iPhone “Measure” app, are being displayed as just 5 1/2 inches.
(Waco, TX) Guerrilla Riders National President Jeremy Oldman, 64, has decreed that the long tradition of making fun of yogies must come to an end, after an amazing free session at Moonrise Yoga that left his back feeling wonderful.
The unpublished professor, Dr. Peter Amateuris, addressed his Professional Practices of Published Novelists class with confidence as he made up all kinds of nonsense about what the “industry” is looking for.
I don’t laugh when you trip over your Adidas, so why do you humans love to watch me fall?
RALEIGH, NC – During her most recent visit to the dentist for a routine cleaning, Rachel Argo, 27, couldn’t help but notice that her dental hygienist…
SUGAR LAND, TX – Bill releases a mighty belch and bows his head in prayer to ask the Good Lord for help finishing the Arby’s Meat Mountain Sandwich.
Balloons (they look like brightly colored, yummy fish!)
Utensils (forks, knives, spoons, sporks, they all feel the same when clogged in an airway)
Gregory the Giraffe, a lobbyist from Arlington Heights, Illinois, is an undeniable sharp shot with a rifle. The South African native has been hunting for years, with human trophies from all over the world: France, China, Germany, Australia.
Last week, Amazon unveiled their new In-Car Delivery service, allowing Prime members to have packages left in their car like a newborn baby during a flash sale at TJ Maxx.… Read more Amazon Prime Delivers Breakfast in Bed →
“You won’t catch me on my phone while driving!” exclaims Fannie Brynton (46) while driving to her job in downtown Seattle, one hand on the wheel of her 2011 Prius… Read more Mom Shames Texting And Driving While Plucking Chin Hairs At 60 MPH →
The American mattress retail chain Mattress Firm has decided to take a softer approach to the box spring business. Since its founding in 1986, the company has always believed that… Read more Mattress Firm Lightens Up →
Tony, come in. Have a seat. Now before we begin, I just want to say… You have one kick-ass cubicle. We all love walking by your work area; with the most epic… Read more Guy with Decked Out Cubicle About to Have a Really Awkward Office Firing →