On Tuesday night, Anthony Burkes (age 9) discovered a Monopoly Board in the basement, and challenged his parents to his first game of property trading. After selecting their tokens, establishing a bank, and explaining the rules, the Burkes quickly went to work showing their son how terribly cruel the capitalist system can be.

While Dad focused on collecting an entire color group on side 1, Mom bought up the railroads with some lucky dice rolls. Poor, pathetic Anthony quickly burned through his bank buying single properties all over the board, and really didn’t stand a chance.

When Dad started building hotels and houses, and Anthony was still asking how utilities worked, it became pretty obvious that the boy had no clue what he was doing. That’s when Mom – eager to teach her child the valuable lesson that life isn’t fair – suggested a trade that cost Anthony his only major real estate, sent him into bankruptcy, and ended any chance he had of winning.

In the end, it was being sent to jail that put the third grader over the edge. With no houses, color groups, and a pathetic pile of fives and tens, Anthony swiped the board clear of tokens and cards, then ran to his room in tears.

“I don’t think he was ready,” said Dad. “I think he needs to take a few classes in economics before we play again. That way he understands market values.”

“I agree,” said Mom. “And if he thinks that was brutal, wait until we kick his ass at Risk next week.”