Community Theater Burns Down, Finally Offering Something Interesting to Watch

The local community theater caught fire during the first act of Hairspray last night, finally drawing the public’s attention as they sat in the parking lot and watched the flames for 90 minutes (no intermission.)

“I have been a season ticket holder to this theatre company for 20 years, and this is by far the most interesting thing I have seen at this space,” says Henrik Sussman (62). “The colors of the fire, and the way the flames danced across the walls was much more exciting than the choreography of the opening number.”

Local critic, Lara Rinkle, called the evening, “A not to be missed experience… The hottest show this town has ever seen… Finally, something worth watching!”

The firefighters arrived to extinguish the flames, but seeing the crowd of nearly 1,000 people so invested in watching the place go up in smoke, they were reluctant to intervene. “It is art, after all,” said Fire Chief Maddox. “We gave everyone a big finale once we were certain there was nothing left to salvage.”

The cast stood on the sidelines as their beloved safe space crumbled. With the attitude that the show must go on, they even performed the show’s biggest numbers, but the crowd quickly shushed them and they went to the bar down the block to get drunk, like always.

At the time this article was published, $15,000 has been donated to the community theater to keep them from ever rebuilding within the town limits.

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