Single Woman Finds Warm Toilet Seat Strangely Comforting

TULSA, OK – Darla Skidder recounted an audacious discovery after entering her office bathroom Wednesday mid-morning; holding the door for her exiting co-worker, Cheryl. “I knew right then that Cheryl must’ve just gotten up from one of the toilet seats…but which one?” There are five stalls, and they were all open, no swinging door or signs of recent use. It was a game of pure chance.” Darla found a napkin in her purse, and used eyeliner to draw out a diagram and weigh her options.

“In the far left is stall #1, which is tucked away behind the wall that divides the sinks, so I figured that had a high probability of most recent use. Stall #5 is at the other end of the row, so I ruled that one out as well, since most people pick an end stall, right? Stalls 2-4 were left, and I decided that #3 was probably my safest choice. No one wants to use the middle stall- you want to avoid others sitting directly next to you while you do your business-or so I thought.”

Darla entered the middle stall with confidence.

“The water wasn’t bubbling from the tank refilling, so I took that as a sign that I was right; the middle stall had indeed not been used in the last ten minutes. And then, I sat, and it… was…warm.”

Warm toilet seats are listed as #3 on the Top Ten Biggest Pet Peeves In Public Bathrooms, just after not flushing and noticing too late that there is no toilet paper on the roll.

Darla, however, had a surprising reaction to the warm plastic on her bare ass.

“It felt kinda nice!! At first, I cringed, but once I got over the initial imagery of Cheryl’s naked skin cells transferring onto mine like invisible parasites, I felt a real bond between us! We’re getting drinks on Friday!”

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