Local Delivery Man Misses High Five, Causes Shame

(WAUKESHA, WI) – On Friday, Michael Browning was just a typical FedEx Ground employee completing his work week. Little did he know that by the end of the day, he would be the laughing stock of the delivery service industry.

At approximately 5pm central time, Browning was walking east on Lawnsdale Road when he passed an 11 year old girl with her arm outstretched, awaiting a high five. Browning raised his hand to complete the gesture, but missed the girl entirely, stumbling to regain his balance. Witnesses, including the young girl’s mother, say Browning then lost his footing, as well as any respect his wife still had for him, throwing the fragile package he was carrying into the air before falling flat on his stomach.

Browning’s view as he missed the high five and prayed to God for forgiveness.

“I don’t know what happened…I was looking at her elbow and everything!”

The elbow, as everyone born after 1952 knows, is a critical tool in the execution of a high five. If both parties involved in the ritual are staring at their partners’ elbow as they swing their arms forward, the odds of giving a successful ‘five’ are dramatically increased. A fact Browning claims he knew.

But now Browning faces more than just humiliation. The CEO of FedEx has released this public statement:

“We are aware of our employees irredeemable actions, and have placed him on leave as we investigate the matter further. We expect our delivery workers to treat our customers’ packages with utmost care, which includes having enough hand/eye coordination to successfully land a simple high five.”

We will update as new developments unfold.


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